RosenRomanticist

As everyone known, most people are in their houses in order to protect themselves-I am one of those people as well. Initially I did believe that I actually would create a ton of art, and while I have, it is not at the rate that I would expect. During the summer I usually have a great deal of time on my hands and I end up creating a lot of things regardless of the medium. I am still working technically so that does reduce the amount of time that I have, but I just haven't been inspired to create or finish anything. I haven't been very motivated myself and it is something that I am trying to change today. 

After watching Moonbyul’s new solo music video Eclipse 100 times in the last two days, I decided that I had to draw her. I came up with a couple of sketches and settled on one that had her 3 times in her “monster”  form and 1 time in her “moonstar” form. I realize that this is a big project especially since I haven’t drawn portraits in a few years successfully. I’ve been working on the smallest portrait and I just realized that I don’t like how it looks. Mind you it is just lines and there is no shading, but I am doubting my abilities as an artist. I have received some really good commentary from the pieces that I have uploaded last night, but that just isn’t enough. I’m feeling that wall where I want to be good, but I am so afraid of no reaching that potential that it is easier of just stop and accept my failure. I am writing this because I am going through a change personally, where I have accepted the fact that I do not act upon the things that I want to achieve. I say I’ll do it and then I don’t. Simple as that.

I am going to keep working on this section of the drawing to get the general outline and shade later. My approach is to get the final sketch of each face and then shade after so that I don’t shade anything only to realize that it looks terrible. I also have this feeling that things need to be done today and not in around a month or so. Quality is more important than the time it takes.

The year is 2020 and I have realized once again that I have failed. Failed in the sense that I know that there are things that I want to and I have just completely ignored it. There are so many things that I want to do, and I just ignore them. I set myself up with the materials and the mindset to reach these various goals or even just tasks, but I just have gotten so distracted. When it comes to art, I hardly do much of anything anymore. I have a thousand excuses and my main reason or fear for not drawing is that I feel as though I am not at the same level that I was when I was active on here. When I was in high school and community college I would sit at the kitchen table for hours drawing portraits. I had a folder full of references and I would just get in the zone. I could draw just about anything and I was getting so much better in the realism category. When I started doing University online full time my productivity went all the way down and even though I have been out for over a year and a half, I just don't have the same drive. That can be said for a lot of things in my life right now and I have just realized that I want my life to be different and the only way that will happen is if I make a solid effort. I am on my phone all the time and all I am doing is scrolling on youtube and Instagram watching these people who are living the life that I want. I start to move in that direction and then decide that I need to move in a different direction because I have multiple things that I want to be active in. I am writing this journal as a symbol of starting over and making the time out for myself and my art. Drawing is something that makes me feel good about myself and the fact that I can create something from essentially nothing is amazing. Another reason that I haven't uploaded on DeviantArt in a while is because I have been debating on whether or not I want to create an Instagram for my art. There are so many people who use that over this and I am just not feeling like leaving DeviantArt for that. I understand that I could manage both, but I like the community aspect of this so we will see how I manage this.

I recently finished with college and I couldn’t be happier because it sucked, it really did. But that is all over now and I can get back to what I love to do which is create. I’ve been out for about a week and I have done two amazing projects both in the likeness of Aloy from Horizon zero Dawn. My boyfriend has the game and I love it-there is just something about it that really interests me. I haven’t uploaded either creation just because I want to have a mass upload and do more than a handful of things at one time. It’s easier and then I don’t have to constantly wait for stats on one single piece. I am working on my third post college art piece and I’m using pastels which I hate and avoid because I don’t really know how to use them and they don’t give a nice saturation of pigment. However I have black paper I bought at Michaels and I haven’t used it and I know that the pastels would be best on it so that’s what I’ve been working on. It is really coming together. I’m going to probably incorporate colored pencil just to give it some defined lines.